Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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