If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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