We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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