I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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