every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
