are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
