i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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