I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
