when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
