Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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