her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
