I think I am morally bankrupt
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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