Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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