He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I could fuck to npr.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
