I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
