dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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