I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
