glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
