I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
