lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
