Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
