he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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