i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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