You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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