God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
