Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
