my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
