There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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