Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
