I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
