Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
