Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
