And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
