Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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