Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
