I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
