I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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