She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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