you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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