I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
