So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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