I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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