This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
