Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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