also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
