It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
