I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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