my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
