first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
