Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
