He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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